My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
