WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
