i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
