Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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