i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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