Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
