I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Even my vagina gasped.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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