oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
