one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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