like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
