Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
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She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
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Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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