I smell stomach acid.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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