So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
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Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize