Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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