I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
