allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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