omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
