you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
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I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
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there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
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