WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize