Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
