Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
