He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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