Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
