walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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