oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
