Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
