i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
