you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
