I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dick very happy bro
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
