Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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