she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
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I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
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Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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