Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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