Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sober January is a disaster.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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