my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
