soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
