Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
