Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
