my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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