well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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