I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
