ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
