"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
