This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
