just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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