There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
