The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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