What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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