Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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