someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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