hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just want to make out with him forever
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
