i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
