I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
