dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
