No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
