Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
